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Our friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome many obstacles, her resilience is commendable. But, she has been repeatedly caught off guard by others. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. Many of close acquaintances vanished at that point, since they had been only interested in the spouse. It shocked her. She put in increased attention toward our bond, likely grasped better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, quite a few close to her have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she had been an excellent employee, she departed without knowing what had changed.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both retired so we're spending each other more, yet I realize my position in our friendship is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation but she shifts them to what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds unyielding views. I try to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She's been organizing a holiday to a country I've visited many times and lived in previously. I tried to share advice, yet it was unappreciated. She really just desired validation of her choices. I've just returned from four weeks in that place and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to be a friend that walks away without a word, but I don't think she will ever grasp the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, my state is distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

It's possible to end things abruptly, but it is not often the easy answer that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of resolution demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. It should be based on facts and basically an unbiased account. Next is to express the way it leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement on this point. Emotions are valid, naturally. Step three is to question ways you together will alter the interaction in your relationship."

Consider that she also holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling your friend:

"Now you talk and I promise to not say anything for half an hour."

It's remarkably effective to encourage better communication.

Key Takeaways

She may dismiss everything, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative of their life they cannot let go of because their very survival depends upon it and it's all they trust. This poses a challenge when there seems no easy route here, just dead ends. But she may at first react like this and then think about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides closure knowing you were open and direct.